#i really dont care about follower count but its still wild to me lol. maybe cause tumblr is the only SM i rly use these days

[depravedangelbaby]

giving the biggest kisses to my mutuals n followers today <33

[big-meows]

ty @bobtheacorn for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25 written/cowritten, 1 I provided illustrations for

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

161,862 give or take! I subtracted the contents of This is How We Grow by @partly-cloudyskies which I only drew for, but not the self indulgent OC project cowritten with @jofngve, even though they did most of the writing

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Twisted Wonderland; Historically: Ducktales, Infinity Train, Luca, Outer Wilds, Trolls World Tour, Zelda, Vtubers. Some of those are only one-offs because I said the thing I needed to say and moved on.

4. Top five fics by kudos?

God Only Knows (Luca) @ 1380

Something to do with my hands (Infinity Train) @ 945

Anthem for the Motel Tamarack (Infinity Train) @ 550

Albireo (Infinity Train) @ 526

Stand By Me (Ducktales) @ 488

Wild to me that the rymin series is so far up there? I was not in IF fandom for very long before the community soured and I bailed BUT I shant complain, those were good boys and I liked the time I spent with them (HASHTAG RENEW INFINITY TRAIN)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try. Like, especially if someone took the time to write a lot, I try to engage to at least say thank you, because it makes ME really happy when an author responds to MY comments (and assures me I didnt just stick my foot in my mouth or overstep a line or something lol) I have a lot of anxiety about leaving comments because I followed a writer in the Zootopia fandom who was REALLY vocal about how she hated certain comments or commentary, typo corrections or "I've never read this kind of au BUT..." comments and I got REAL in my head about comment etiquette for a LONG time. BUT! Comments and feedback are so vital to me so I try to comment and respond to comments so everyone feels seen and maybe we can make a connection? My Luca fandom friend group is still going strong because we were so incredibly aggressive about supporting one another.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Apex of a Bad Decision. It's a canon-compliant Outer Wilds, fic, so. :,)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of the rest of them! I'm squishy!!! But I think the most obviously and deliberately triumphant one is God Only Knows.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think I've gotten hate on a fic since I posted Wilbur Robinson self-cest to Livejournal in 2007, when WHY IS THIS GAY was a common response to slashfic. I've gotten plenty of hate for having an online presence while shipping kids or teenagers, but not on the fic itself (that I can recall!)

9. Do you write smut?

Sure! Not often. It's always a character exploration and I know how that sounds but I promise its true! It's always about being open and vulnerable and baring souls and loving and taking care of someone who needs to be loved and taken care of. I don't think I've ever written genuinely horny smut, not that I'd know because I dont really get horny. People (antis) have this idea that everyone is writing smut with one hand down their pants and that we're "getting off" on it and are perhaps ignorant to the fact that sex is not inherently a base filthy thing, its emotional and vulnerable and full of feelings and teenagers have those feelings too and writing about teens having those feelings does not mean I am inherently jerking it to teenagers fucking. Im EMOTIONALLY jerking it to teenagers having BIG FEELINGS. that's different.

10. Craziest crossover?

I've never written a crossover! FUCK I forgot the mystery teens summer. There was a specific summer (*googles* August 2012!) when gravity falls was at it's peak and Paranorman had just come out and tumblr as a hivemind decided Norman Babcock, the Pines twins, Raz Aquato (Psychonauts) and some other kids from various supernatural media needed to meet and hang out, like a much briefer superwholock or rise of the frozen tangled dragons. the big ship at the time was Dipper/Norman. I mightve done a quick ficlet posted to tumblr in that time frame. When summer ended, the phenom ended abruptly exactly as if we had all left summer camp and gone back home.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nnnnot to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've had plenty of requests! I don't know if they've ever finished/gone through with it, though. I'd be a hypocrite if i wasnt in favor of it, considering how much time I spend screenshotting jamikali doujin and feeding it through google translate lmao

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I didn't think I ever would, but the time jo and I spent doing OC stuff together was a delight, though tbf they did most of the heavy lifting. I don't know if I would do it again...I feel like the OC stuff worked because we built it from the ground up but idk if I could do a fandom thing the same way, what if we had slightly different opinions on a blorbo and I had to COMPROMISE? idk man

14. All time favourite ship?

ohhhhhhhh idk if i can answer that. Whatever I love in the moment is is my otp. The rest simmer on the backburner but whatever the mental illness deems is the priority is the only thing I could ever conceive of loving this much. I think Weblena might have done the most brain damage to me. I wrote the most fic for it, I made the most art for it, I was team weblena for more years than anything else, I endured the most shit for them without giving up. But at this exact moment in time I'm like "those were very nice girls and i loved them very much and I know they made me insane for literal years but surely they dont compare to the truly unhinged mania i feel for sexy anime schoolboy jafar and sexy anime schoolboy sultan of agrabah" (it is the same level of mania, actually)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

idek if i want to finish it but I had a few sunfish (iykyk) drafts kicking around that could have been good. Its a good ship imo and I wanted to get into the whole "I know I've kind of adopted you as my surrogate dad but what if that was a hasty decision and we kissed instead" angle but then I developed a severe case of cringe avoidance and I wont be doing anymore vtuber fic lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm told I do good at characterization which is a relief because when I write I feel like the first stage of any "galaxy brain" meme where I'm thinking in only two dimensions orz Also! Its very flattering but whenever I create an OC to fill a necessary role in a fic people really seem to enjoy them.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action... The boring but necessary filler that gets you from point a to point b.... I can only write in 2nd person and i know I KNOW everyone fucking hates it and people wont even TOUCH 2ndPOV but it flows so EASILY when i dont have to stop and juggle pronouns or even names!!! i feel more thoroughly seated in the POV character's head! it lubricates the process and sometimes I think i only ever get anything done ever because i write in 2ndPOV im sorry!!! Im sorry but I wont change!! its more important that I get the demons out than it is that you read my fic.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Sparingly and with Purpose! (<<Bob I'm stealing your answer) (i realize your name is not actually bob but I've been calling you bob in my head for years now sorry) I used italian vocab occasionally in Luca fic because it's used heavily in the movie to create a sense of unfamiliarity for the boys who were trying to integrate themselves into human society but didn't understand most things they encountered. It's soooooo bad when done wrong, though. I'll never shut up about the jamikali fic i opened that had Jamil call Kalim habibi in the first paragraph, I almost threw my phone across the room. Like first of all they don't do that in the source material, any arabic used is very clearly in the context of an "old/ancient language" that no one is speaking on the daily and second of all he would not fucking say that!!!!!

19. First fandom you wrote in?

The Sonic 2 fanfic i tried to write back in 1993 is between me and the lisa frank notebook kept under my bed. My first published-on-the-internet fic was the aforementioned Wilbur Robinson (Meet the Robinsons) self-cest. I went back to ff.net to see if it was still there and if I could rewrite it (it would rule in 2ndPOV actually) but..........its gone. Either it got purged or I purged it myself during the ducktales cyberbullying fiasco. First fandom of current era fic writing was Ducktales. (thank you ducktales for all youve done for me)

20. Favourite fic you've written?

God Only Knows is probably the best thing I've ever written, but picking apart the world building in Outer Wilds for Apex was really fun and rewarding and when I get feedback on it its always (crying emoji) (crying emoji) (sad face emoji) (skull emoji) which is ALSO fun and rewarding but in a totally different way.

tagging @jofngve @partly-cloudyskies and uhhhh anyone else if they wanna!

[babymorte]

Oh yeah get the comfort game thing. I still have Halo 2 to get through and keep getting sucked back into Minecraft lol. And the worst part is Halo used to be my comfort game. Maybe I'm just getting old 🤣

And making connections is a pain in the ass, my circle of friends is small enough I can count them on one hand and have fingers left over. I'm 41 and still don't know what the hell I'm doing lol. I know your not that old so you still have time to figure it out😊.

I'm not going to go into some long winded speech on how "you're better than them" or "It's going to be alright" or anything because honestly I'm just some dumbass with shitty social skills so my advice really isn't worth much. But I will say don't change who you are just to be the person they want, But do change if its something "you" really want or helps you.

Just from what I've seen of you on here you seem like a really nice and friendly person. And whether you're quirky, weird, or even a bitch😁 I hope you find people who like you just as you are and I guess the most important part of that is them not be assholes lol. Also if you learn any tricks on how to make friends that stick around please let me know 😂

But I will stop bugging you now and leave you with a gif of our cat attacking my arm lol

it’s wild how your game tastes can change when you age. usually I play the og resident evil remake or re3 remake but since putting my ps5 on the big tv and hardwiring my xbox for when i played halo I just dont play my ps5 as much anymore so I’m playing older games I haven’t played in a while and madness returns and timesplitters 2 are my go tos since I don’t get bored of them easily. I replayed the campaign for ts2 Sunday night and it only took me like 40min since I can play it with my eyes closed. I need to get back to halo3 as well I just went back to CE to try and do some achievement hunting but because im so bad at it im not really getting any of the achievements. Im sure I’ll get them eventually though since im at least somewhat comfortable with playing it.

ah yea you’ve got quite a few years on me but I am hopeful that when I do reach your age I won’t be as reserved or at the very least not care enough to be so whether or not I have a circle of my own. my circle is more of a line that stretches two inches in front of me. like I recently just learned that someone who often treats me terribly considers me to be one of their best and closest friends so that the sort of long lasting friendships that im pulled into. I didn’t really even consider us friends aside from by association if im being honest. but at the same time i get overwhelmed by people very easily so im not too bothered about whether or not I’ll be making new friends in the future. its really just not worth it at this point. but honestly the some of the most sound advice ive gotten. I don’t know if my dumb brain will let me follow it but i will try to take it to heart at the very least. im still the same person on the inside. that i cant change. but im not going to let just anyone see that side of me anymore. it’s not worth the trouble im constantly getting myself into. im sure I’ll sabotage myself even more by doing this but at the very least it will show who actually wants me as a person in a sense. at least thats my thought process behind it. it’s all just very confusing honestly but I’ll figure it out eventually im sure. I always do. im just gonna hold out hope anymore and whatever happens happens. for my own sake i cant be bothered anymore by this sort of thing. like an anon said yesterday im always in some sort of drama and im just honestly so sick of it. if I do figure out any tricks to get people to stay I’ll definitely help you out though…i hope you’ll do the same for me.

you’re definitely not bugging me in the slightest. your kitty is the absolute cutest though and looks like a proper snuggle bug.

[benhardyisdaddy]

my little secret - part 1

MASTERLIST 

(hello i just wanna make one thing very clear: i do not i REPEAT i do NOT CONDONE CHEATING WHATSOEVER. FOR ANY REASON. IDC WHAT IT IS. ITS NOT CUTE OR ROMANTIC. ITS HORRIBLE. I ONLY WROTE THIS BECAUSE ITS ANGST AND BECAUSE SOMEONE SUBMITTED IT TO ME. I AM AGAINST CHEATING. just had to make that clear lol. i feel like this isn’t my best work, but ive had writers block rlly bad so IM SORRY OKAY i feel like its rlly rushed so i apologize dont h8 me. i switched up the plot just a bit also)

Word Count: 2,517

WARNING: age gap (23 and 70), smut, cheating, breeding kink 

“You never listen to me!” 

“I always listen to you! You just never make yourself clear!”

“Never make myself clear!? You just don’t care!” 

“You’re such a stubborn pain in my ass!”

“You’re always a pain in my ass, Ben! It’s always about you!” 

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, fuck off!” 

You and Ben had gotten into a huge dispute over god-knows-what. The argument goes from calm, moderate voices to ear deafening screams that you know your neighbors can hear. The two of you had been arguing more than ever lately, but it’s never gotten this bad. Ben’s never told you to fuck off before and you never thought he would. You freeze when the word’s slip from his mouth and the look on his face drops when he realizes what he’s just said. 

“I didn’t mean that.” he says fast. 

You feel your eyes sting from tears that threatened to spill and they finally do. Your chin’s trembling as you turn around and storm towards your bedroom. You hear Ben behind you as he quickly follows. 

“Baby, I didn’t mean that! I’m sorry, okay? I was just upset- What are you doing?” 

You had grabbed a duffel bag from the top of your closet and are shoving clothes inside of it. You zip it up quickly and grab your purse and keys. 

“I’m doing exactly what you told me to do. I’m fucking off.” 

Ben's eyes crinkle as he closes them out of frustration. He rakes a hand through his hair as he follows you towards your front door. 

“I didn’t mean that, y/n! Don’t go! Let’s just talk, babe. I’m sorry.” 

You turn around fast as you slide your phone in your pocket. Your eyebrows are knitted together as you stare at him with fire in your eyes. 

“You’re always sorry, Ben!” you say loudly. 

His face falls as he stares at you with cloudy eyes. 

“I’m going to my moms.” you say before slamming the door in his face. 

You don’t stop walking until you’re in your car and driving down the road. You can’t go to your moms. It’s two in the morning and she has to be at work at six. You couldn’t wake her up. You pull over on the side of the road and scream loudly as you punch the steering wheel. You were angry at everything and everyone, especially Ben. You slam your fists into the steering wheel a few more times and stop out of breath. You lean back against your seat and take in a deep breath. You need a drink and you know just the place to go to. 

***

You pull up to your favorite little hole-in-the-wall bar that’s open 24/7. It’s tiny, but packed. You’re best friend is the owner of the place so you know you can get a good seat in the front. You hurry out of your car and inside. Smoke fills the place as loud heavy metal blares everywhere. You make your way to the front and spot an open seat. You quickly fill it and spot your best friend Cassie. She walks up with a sad smile on her face as she realizes the look on yours. 

“Ben?” she asks. 

You just nod as she pours you a shot and slides it in front of you. You gulp it down fast as another is placed before you. 

“He told me to fuck off.” you tell her as you swallow the drink fast.

She pours you another as her face goes shocked. 

“What!?” 

“But, of course he didn’t mean it and he was sorry.” 

You drink it down as you hear someone yelling Cassie’s name. 

“Here,” she says getting you another drink. “Let me go deal with this and we’ll finish this conversation, okay?” 

She walks away and you’re left alone with your sorrows. You’re staring down at your now empty glass as someone speaks up. 

“Men are idiots sometimes.” 

You look over and spot an almost too familiar face. He has a drink in his hand with a smile on his face. He was older than you, much older actually, but man, was he good looking. You spin your chair to face him all the way. 

“Sometimes?” you ask, smirking. 

He laughs and slowly nods his head. 

“Oh, alright. All the time.” 

You laugh and look at him for a second longer before squinting your eyes and cocking your head. 

“Do I know you from somewhere?” you ask, suddenly feeling the drinks starting to kick in. 

The man laughs once more and shrugs his shoulders. 

“Possibly. I’m Roger.” he says as he holds out his hand for you to shake. 

Your face falls as your eyes go wide.

“Oh my god,” you whisper as you lean in to him. “I know you! I know you, I just don’t know where from! Hold on, don’t tell me...” 

You lean back and look at him up and down, trying to figure it out. Now your drinks were really kicking in. 

“You’re a musician.” you state. 

He nods his head as he gulped the rest of the dark liquid in his glass. 

“You’re a musician and your names Rog-” you pause when it finally clicks. “You’re the drummer from Queen!” you say a little too loudly as you slur.

Roger’s eyes go wide as he puts his finger to his mouth to shush you. You laugh and look around as you cover your mouth. 

“I knew I knew you from somewhere! My boyfriend loves your band!” 

“Same boyfriend that told you to fuck off?” he asks, leaning in closer for you to hear. 

You suddenly remember and frown. You nod your head and wave over another bartender. You order another shot. 

“Make it two.” says Roger, looking at you. “And they’re on me.” 

You smile to him and feel your face turning hot. 

“So, Mr. Famous Drummer,” you say, causing him to look down and laugh. “What’s your excuse for being here all alone? You clearly know mine.” 

“Needed some alone time for myself, I suppose. Never been to this place before, but apparently it attracts good people.” 

He smiles to you and for the first time in a long time, Ben wasn’t the one on your mind. Roger was. 

“And if I might add,” he says leaning in close to you. “You should try being with an actual man one day. Not a little boy.”

Your eyes drunkenly flutter as you slowly bring your hand to Roger’s knee and very slowly run it up his thigh. He tenses up at your touch, but his eyes are dark with lust. A slight smirk appears as he looks down at your hand for a moment before back up at you. 

“Maybe I will.” you purr. 

And before you know it, you and Roger are in the back of his car as his driver takes you across town. Your mouths are clashing as you breathe heavily, your mind foggy. You can’t keep your hands off of each other the whole night. 

***

RINGRING RINGRING 

Your head is pounding as the sound of your phone blares near your ear. You squeeze your eyes closed as you squirm around and groan. You flutter them open and squint due to the bright sun beaming through the room. You bring your hand up and rub your eyes, hoping to make the blurriness disappear. You’re in mid yawn when what happened last night hits you. Your eyes shoot open as you sit up fast. 

You’re in a hotel room with your clothes scattered everywhere all around you. You bring the bed sheet up and cover yourself as you look beside you. There next to you is Roger. He’s on his back and is starting to move around a bit. You should feel guilty. You should feel horrible for what you did, but you don’t. All you can do is smile as Roger’s eyes open and he looks over to you. He sheepishly grins as he rubs his eyes. 

“You’re still here.” he says as he yawns. 

Your face falls as he says that. You look away fast and jump up from the bed as you gather your clothes. 

“Was just leaving.” you spat as you slip your jeans on and then your top. 

Roger notices your change of tone and sits up fast. 

“Wait!” he says fast. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised you stayed. I don’t want you to go.” 

You turn around and he has the most sincere look on his face. You let out a breath you were holding and smile as you walk back over to him. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I’m just on edge right now.” 

Roger smirks as he grabs your arm and pulls you back onto the bed. You laugh as you lay on your back and look up at him. 

“Then let me help you with that.” he whispers as his hand trails over your stomach and slips under your pants. 

You bite your lip as your phone begins ringing again. You roll your eyes and grab it. Twenty two missed calls from Ben. You frown a bit, but turn it off completely. You look back to Roger and smile. 

“I could use all the help I can get.” you purr. 

***

You quietly slip your keys into your front door and open it gently. You walk inside and look around, not seeing any sign of Ben. You had left Roger’s hotel with a promise that the two of you would see each other again very soon. He’s staying in town for a while for a ‘top secret’ project he’s working on. He wasn’t allowed to tell you, but that’s okay. You like surprises. 

You close the door behind you and hear footsteps getting closer. Ben appears in front of you in the hallway. He freezes when he sees you. He slowly walks closer to you until he’s inches away. He cups your face with his hand and leans in to gently kiss you. 

“I really am sorry.” he whispers. 

You swallow hard and force yourself to smile back.

“I know.” you whisper back. 

Ben smiles widely and bites his bottom lip. 

“I have amazing news.” he says fast. 

You laugh at his wild expression as he takes a step back. 

“What is it?” 

“I got a role for a movie! I drive out to the location tomorrow for fitting and all that fun stuff!” 

He looks like a kid on Christmas morning. You couldn't help but celebrate with him. 

“Ben! That’s amazing! What movie is it?”  

“I can’t actually say anything to anyone, babe. They’re wanting it to be under the radar for a bit. But I promise that when I can, I’ll send you over the second I’m allowed to. Okay? I just can’t believe this is happening. This is huge!” he yells. 

You laugh and can’t help but bring him in for a kiss, but the whole time you’re kissing, all you can think about is Roger. 

*** 

4 Months Later

***

“Right there!” you squeal as Roger thrusts into you hard. 

You’re whining loudly as he kisses and sucks on your neck. 

“Roger!” you whine, feeling yourself starting to release. 

“I wanna cum in you.” whispers Roger in your ear. 

Him saying that makes you hit your high even faster. You squeeze your eyes closed and scream out as you grip his arm tightly. Your body convulses as pleasure fills every cell in your body. 

“Yes!” is all you can repeatedly shout. 

Roger lets out a low growl as he thrusts once more and pauses, his body jolting forward. You feel him release all inside of you and it makes you whine even louder. He jerks once more and he’s done. You both are breathing fast and hard as he rests his forehead on your shoulder. You smile to yourself as you close your eyes. 

“Amazing.” you whisper. 

Roger leans away and kisses you. 

“Like always.” 

He slips out and falls beside you utterly exhausted. 

“I have to leave in a second.” you whisper sadly. 

“No, stay with me.” 

You look over to him and smile. 

“I’m just gonna be right outside of town for a bit. You can always come see me. I’ll have my own room.” you tease. 

“I’ll take you up on that offer, love.” he mumbles. 

***

“I’m almost there. Where am I meeting you again?” 

“I told the driver where to go, don’t worry.” Ben teases. “Let’s see if you’ll recognize me.” 

“Recognize you? Why? What did they do to you?” you ask worried. 

He laughs in the phone and shakes his head. 

“Wait, I think I see you! We’re all outside!” he says fast. 

Suddenly the phone goes dead. You look up and out the window. A bunch of people are standing in front of a huge building. You’re beyond nervous as you pull up and the car stops. You jump out and make your way towards them. A man with long blonde hair is staring at you with a huge smile on his face. You squint your eyes as he walks even closer. 

“Ben!?” you call out. 

He nods his head and laughs as he wraps his arms around you and squeezes. You lean away and your eyes are wide as you gently touch the wig he’s wearing. 

“Wow.” you whisper. 

“Looks good, yeah?” he teases. “You know who I am?” he asks, backing up so you can see him fully.

“Um, someone from the 70’s?” you ask. 

“Alright, good! But who do you think it is?” 

You’re thinking for a moment as Ben looks behind you and smiles. 

“Ah, the man himself!” 

You turn around confused and your face falls. So does his. It’s Roger. 

“Roger, this is my girl, y/n. Y/n, this is the Roger Taylor.” 

The two of you stare at each other as your eyes are wide. You felt almost sick. You realize how this must look to Ben, so you snap out of it. You shake your head and bring your hand up to him. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Taylor.” you say fast. 

Roger shakes your hand and forces a smile. 

“Please, call me Roger.” 

You smile and look away as you take a step back towards Ben. 

“Rog, the reservations are all set for tonight.” 

You look to your left as a beautiful older blonde walks up and kisses Roger. He wraps an arm around her waist and looks to you. He looks embarrassed as he smiles. 

“Sarina, this is Ben’s girlfriend, y/n.” he says, almost gagging at the word girlfriend. “Y/n, this is my wife... Sarina.” 

“Your wife.” you say a little too bluntly, causing him to look at you with a worried expression. 

You smile widely and reach your hand out to her. 

“It’s so nice to meet you.” 

“You as well!” she says sweetly. “Will you be joining us for dinner?” she asks. 

You go to tell her no, but Roger speaks up. 

“Of course she will.” he says fast. 

Yeah, you think to yourself. Of course I will. 

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[blookmallow]

and finally, the conclusion of the dark brotherhood questline 

i have been through so much and lost so much but i gained the one thing that matters most of all.....  cicero’s heart 

-----

well

these aren’t the real emperor’s clothes but i have this still,

i put it on the dawnstar sanctuary mannequin with the jester hat lmao

:( my favorite guard friend who hangs out around the shops in the mornings with me is onto me 

hes not hostile or reporting me to the jarl or anything at least tho 

Dont woRRY About It

i did have guards after me for a while (i had. several just go ‘ok ill let you off this time :)’ bc. i. asked nicely. after attempting to assassinate the emperor of skyrim) but eventually just paid my bounty and they were like ok you’re good and now apparently everyone has completely forgotten That Time I Tried To Murder The Fucking Emperor 

anyway after the fucking massacre that happened at the sanctuary i was absolutely Out For Blood

i mean like....... i realize maro is completely justified here. we are in fact a league of assassins guilty of murdering A Lot of people, we very much did make a real attempt on the emperor’s life (and killed his double, who was less important but still like, an innocent guy, presumably)(or even if it was like that death note thing where its actually a criminal on death row anyway, like, we clearly didnt know that) and i did personally murder maro’s son and ruin his reputation, so. like. we are the bad guys in this situation no matter how you look at it lmao but STILL THOSE WERE MY FRIENDS, FUCKER

so i decided to murder him out of pure spite, but. uh

I DONT REMEMBER WHAT I DID TO CAUSE THIS BUT I ACTUALLY GOT THE SOLITUDE GUARDS TO MURDER HIM FOR ME LMAO I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING

im trying to remember what the fuck even happened here im clearly. underwater, i think maybe i like. confronted him and he got hostile but i jumped off the pier and the guards were like “woah that guy’s losing it” and intervened but he fought them too or something ??? ??  I DONT KNOW BUT THE GUARDS KILLED HIM FOR ME :’) thanks guys 

then after everything we still kept the contract, and... the new plan.... was for me to sneak onto the emperor’s ship before he leaves skyrim and kill him there.... WHICH I COULD HAVE FUCKING. DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS IS SO MUCH EASIER THAN... KILLING SOME OFFICIAL’S SON AND PLANTING FALSE EVIDENCE AND TRACKING DOWN THE GOURMET AND MURDERING HIM AND IMPERSONATING HIM TO TRY TO POISON THE EMPEROR AND IMPLICATING A RANDOM CHEF WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT AND

EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!!! WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED ABSOLUTELY ALL OF THIS. WAS ASTRID GETTING ME ALL MIXED UP IN THIS WILD GOOSE CHASE ON PURPOSE FROM THE BEGINNING ?? ? ? SORRY!!! IM ANGRY

i got all the way here without anyone even seeing me (i used a couple invisibility potions for the really tricky spots, but still) i could absolutely have just done this and avoided the entire everything. god 

anyway i again dont really understand the politics of skyrim but. the real emperor was expecting me to find him one way or another. he had already accepted his death and made peace with it. it was. actually kind of sad. i dont know enough to say whether he was actually a decent guy or not but he seemed like he was. i couldnt bring myself to steal his clothes so i still just have the duplicate emperor’s clothes but it looks the same anyway

i took a war axe from one of his displays though. i dont remember if i already mentioned my ongoing tradition of always taking something from my victims and enchanting them later to mark who it belonged to, but thats a thing ive been doing. little murder scrapbook

im not really sure how murdering the emperor counts as “serving the empire” but sure ok 

i also killed this guy lmao the emperor’s last wish was for me to kill whoever it was that betrayed him and i dont like this dude in the first place so i was like yea you got it 

i built a memorial with the weapons rack in my room in the dawnstar sanctuary

enchanted special weapons for each of our fallen members (left to right it’s astrid, arnbjorn, festus, gabriella, and veezara) (i also later added another dagger for lis bc i had one space left) 

theres also gemstones on the floor beneath each weapon but they keep sliding out of place :’ | 

ANGEL DARLING SONG OF MY HEART LIGHT OF MY LIFE YOU’RE ALIVE

you can see the game autosaving in the corner bc i had Just come out of the sanctuary lmao thats how lightning fast i reacted to this 

[sobbing] baby boy.... baby.... i was SO WORRIED

i murdered the fucking emperor of skyrim bc i was so desperate to continue this questline to see if cicero would come back I DID ALL OF THIS FOR YOU.....

(he pranked me and pretended he was gonna kill me at first. i almost lost it thinking he STILL wouldnt forgive me but it was ok :’) u got me, ) 

sniffs...... best friends forever........ this is the best possible outcome this is all ive ever wanted it was all worth it for this 

we got our window back!!!!! also ft cicero subtitle photobombing me with his boundless enthusiasm for murder but i forgive him 

oof we also have... a bunch of torture victims hanging around now too :’ ) oh

i kinda feel bad about them but there doesnt seem to be an option to let them go, 

i mean i could just kill them all i guess. i killed one guy to see if i could. you Can. his body is still there. nobody seemed to care that i killed him

I TURNED AROUND AFTER NAZIR SAID THAT AND CICERO’S JUST. LOOKING AT ME LIKE THIS,

i fuckign love this cute little shit. what the fuck. this is such justice too everyone was so rude to him, everyone made fun of him and talked down to him, everyone wanted him dead after he went after astrid, but she sold us out and got everyone killed, he was RIGHT, and now hes the right-hand-man to the Listener who is now ALSO the leader of the brotherhood. he’s basically second in command to the entire organization now and nobody can do a goddamn thing about it bc they all KNOW not to fuck with me now 

i also realized hes taller than me and i dont like it, :’)

im still deciding medea’s taller than him anyway i dont care. she would be taller than the character model is allowing for

he likes to randomly start singing/humming really off key/dancing around its SO cute.... im lov him...............

darling..... calm down, :’) 

hes so completely devoted to me now im in pain

i realized i could tell him to go to sleep and he actually did it the absolute madman 

he gets up if you try to sleep beside him though

i mean. not that i tried that or anything

he stands SO close to me all the time.... i turn around and hes right there beaming adoringly at me. i cant do this 

he kept saying mother needed some flowers so i took him out to collect some nightshade for her n dropped them around her feet 

“whats the point of thievery lol like..... just kill them?????? stupid” 

having cicero constantly two feet behind me jus making cute comments and/or half singing The Weirdest Shit I Have Ever Heard is absolutely delightful 

ur so cute when you’re threatening people

he also hates the forsworn see we’re in sync

I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE AGAIN

me, the leader of the brotherhood, in full brotherhood armor, with cicero following right behind me giggling to himself about murder:

[i-beg-your-parsons]

[Shreya] wasn’t in last week’s chapter, so have a fic (#1)

Relationship: Shreya Mistry/F!MC (Celestine Leblanc)

Count: 1775 words

So I’ve decided that I’m going to make this a series where I update this whenever a character (in this case, Shreya) is swept under the rug (so am I updating this every week, multiple times then? Who knows! 🙃). It’ll be good practice for me to get back into writing. But maybe not every week exactly, I’m starting my undergraduate thesis lol.

Apologies if they’re OOC, especially Aster? (She’s good friends with Shreya in this fic!!) I haven’t tried writing them much and it’s been a while since I did a fic lmao. Hope you peeps like!! Let me know if you want to be tagged for subsequent ones.

This uses the following prompts:

“My cat is more sassy than you’ll ever be.”

“Watch out! I can’t slow down! Move! Move! Move!”

“Am I good at skateboarding? Pfffft! Of course I am!”

Tags: @jellymonster, @deeohno, @coolios-beanios, @h-doodles

__

“Watch out! I can’t slow down!” 

Shreya is startled by a panicked voice, almost dropping her hand mirror on the sidewalk. She whirls toward the direction of the sound. What the - 

“Lady, please move, move, move!!” A blur of blue, red, and brown was hurtling towards her before her brain could really process anything. They make a sharp turn, just barely brushing her skirt, so thankfully she avoided being pummelled into the wall. Her three-inch heels, however, threw her off balance, making her stumble into a large potted shrub situated outside the facade of Maison D’Yew. 

Wonderful. How fucking elegant.

“Oh my stars, are you hurt?” A feminine voice calls out to her, presumably partially responsible for what had just transpired. Shreya inwardly huffs to rein in her annoyance. It would be extremely unsightly for a Mistry to throw a tantrum. At times like these, she was thankful for those dry etiquette lessons her parents made her take when she was seven. 

“I-It’s quite alright! I didn’t get hurt; just much too close and personal with this plant,” Shreya assures worried girl in her haughty ‘humble’ voice. 

(Well, something had to channel her anger. The thick branch digging into her back was not helping keep her head cool.)

She could feel the girl’s slender hands firmly grip her arms and try to pull her up. It was gentle and slow, but jagged twigs were poking her everywhere, “Ow, ow, ow!”

The sounds of her distress halt the girl from pulling her, but she still kept her grip. Her voice sounded more apologetic, if it was even possible, “I am so, so sorry! I told Zeph it was stupid to try riding the broom like a skateboard, but he didn’t really care because he said it would look cool.”

Everything was so fast and panicked and ridiculous that Shreya couldn’t help the wild giggles that bubbled up her throat as she nodded, “I can definitely vouch for the fact that it was stupid.”

Shreya could hear the girl grin, “Nice to know someone sides with me.”

A comfortable lull settles over them before the girl clears her throat. “Maybe I could try magicking you out?”

She seemed capable enough, so Shreya finds that she doesn’t mind. 

“OK, go for it.”

Flashes of green and brown lights from the Wood magick circle peek through the gaps between the leaves obscuring Shreya’s vision. Slowly, the twigs and leaves retract, revealing the face of her saviour as she leaned closer to pull her up by the shoulders.

And fuck: She was exactly Shreya’s type.

The blonde had her eyebrows furrowed in panicked worry as she gently picked off leaves that had gotten into Shreya’s hair and clothes. “Again, I am so sorry. I’ll be sure to give Zeph hell for dragging you into this.”

Shreya could feel the warmth creeping up into her cheeks and the tips of her ears. Her touch was so soothing. “It’s no problem. Is he going to be okay?”

The girl’s face scrunches up at the concern for Zeph. “Yes, probably… I think.” She opens one pale blue eye to find that Shreya was still looking at her, waiting for… what exactly? 

A furious blush colours the girl’s pale cheeks.

“I… should probably go make sure he’s okay. Have a good day, miss!” The blonde turns at the direction Zeph went off and starts at a sprint. It was only then that Shreya sprung into action, hurriedly calling out to the blonde before she left, “M-my name’s Shreya! What’s your name?!”

The blonde doesn’t look back at her, but she yells, “Celestine! See you around!”

—

“So that’s why Aoi was so grumpy when we stepped out,” Aster chuckles as she sipped her sencha tea. They’d been friends for a while, as Shreya was a regular at Maison D’Yew, despite having people who could easily run the errands for her at Mistry manor. Whether it was just a Shreya thing, or an excuse to visit Aster, the wood nymph didn’t mind. 

It was always nice to see one of her only friends.

“For what it’s worth, I apologised to Aoi the shrub before I went inside the shop,” Shreya offers. “And besides, it wasn’t all that terrible.” Her face warms at the memory of the girl — Celestine, she reminds herself — and the concern she showed for her. Shreya absently stares at the steam coming off her drink, remembering the blonde’s delicate blue eyes which were, fittingly enough, the colour of a strontium sulphate mineral, celestine. 

Her parents must be familiar with Attuneless science. I should ask her next time.

Silence descends over the two girls as Shreya spaced out and Aster observed her. She blows at her tea again, before taking a sip. “So when are you going to see her again?”

Shreya almost spills her hot drink and shoots Aster an incredulous look. The green-skinned girl pauses with a blank look of her own and blinks, before giggling as she realises her friend’s thought process.

“For the last time, I can’t read your mind unless you’re a plant. I just know what you look like when you’re excited about something.”

Shreya grips her mug a little tighter, in an attempt to fight down her worsening blush. Aster continues to observe her reactions over her cup of tea. “Or someone, in this case.”

“… She was really cute, okay?”

Aster can’t fight off the grin on her face. Checkmate.

She reaches out a woody hand to pry off Shreya’s own from her grip on the hot cocoa and pats her friend’s manicured nails. They were painted a deep crimson today. “You should ask her out.”

Shreya sighs, “But what if she’s not into girls? I don’t want her to be uncomfortable.”

Aster tilts her head slightly and blinks. It wasn’t like the heiress to resign herself to the possibility that the girl she was interested in identified as heterosexual. “But what if she is? And more importantly,” Aster leans into her friend’s personal space to whisper in her ear. 

“What if she’s into you?”

Shreya jerks back from her friend, clamping a hand over her ear. She shivers like she was just put under a shower of ice cold water. She narrows her eyes are the wood nymph as she tries to calm her breathing. “Why are you being so cheeky today, Ass?”

Aster simply shrugs with a pleasant smile. “One of us has to bring the cheek to move the conversation along. It’s obviously not going to be you, what with this smitten state you’re in.”

Shreya rolls her eyes, “Spare me; my cat’s sassier than you.”

Aster blinks, “You don’t have a cat.”

Shreya throws up her hands in exasperation, “That’s the point!”

The two continue to lock gazes in a contest of wills: Shreya with a piercing glare, and Aster with an amused sparkle. The competition was intense, as if the winner would have their argument proven right.

“Zeph, slow down! You might bump into someone again!”

Shreya’s attention immediately strays to the voice. Could it be…?

“No can do, Leblanc! Those croissants might get sold out!” A voice, presumably Zeph, answers as the front door of the café is slammed open by said male. “Hannah, my bro! Two croissants on the double!”

The short-haired blonde at the register rolls her eyes before shaking her head. “Alright, Denim. But sit your ass down, okay?”

Zeph flamboyantly stands at attention, before giving a dramatic salute. “Roger that, Pixie cut!”

“You’re being way too dramatic,” Celestine steps into the shop, putting her hair up in a ponytail, presumably to cool herself off from running after Zeph. Her hair tie is held between her lips, giving Shreya the perfect excuse to look at them.

Celestine seems to notice the stares directed at her, as her gaze connects with Shreya’s. Her eyes light up in recognition, and her hand immediately comes up to wave at the Fire-Att. 

“Why hello, Shreya! Fancy seeing you again,” Celestine walks over to their table, then rocks back and forth on her heels as she stands.

Shreya brings up a had to wave back, feeling the clamminess that had suddenly developed. “Hi, Celestine. I’m usually here every Saturday with my friend Aster here.” She gestures to Aster, who was absolutely buzzing with excitement. The flowers in her hair were blooming.

“As she said, my name is Aster and it’s so wonderful to meet you, Celestine. Shreya was just telling me about the incident this morning with my Hydrangea macrophylla, Aoi.” The wood nymph managed to get up from her seat and move towards Celestine within that sentence to grasp and shake the girl’s pale hand with her pliant fingers. “He’s thankful for your wood magick because it fixed the branches Shreya broke when she fell into him.”

Celestine draws a blank look, before looking over to Shreya for help. The heiress simply nods, but what does that even mean? She decides that it’s better to play along. “Well, he’s very welcome. I didn’t get the chance to tell him that his flowers were a very beautiful shade of blue.”

“Honestly, Aster, how many times do I have to apologise?” Shreya complains from her seat on the table.

Aster grins at Celestine’s response while pointedly ignoring Shreya, “I’ll be sure he gets the message.” She stares meaningfully into the confused blonde’s eyes, bringing up a hand to hover over the other girl’s cheek. Celestine can feel the coolness of her skin, a plant-like material that felt much like the stem of a flower. Her eyes suddenly darken into a tar-black, seeping into the veins of her translucent skin, “It’s not often that you find humans — Attuned, especially — who care as much for plants.”

Sensing the newcomer’s shock and exponentially growing discomfort, Shreya interrupts. “Hey, uhm, Celestine, would you guys like to sit with us?”

And just as suddenly, Aster is back from her Branching, “That’s a wonderful idea!” She moves to pull out the chair next to Shreya (and if it ends up skewed a little too close to her friend’s seat, well, Aster doesn’t know anything about that).

“I’ll go ahead and assist your friend there are the counter. It seems like he’s having a bit of trouble,” Aster points to where Zeph is gesturing wildly in a conversation with Hannah (aka Pixie cut), who was managing the counter. “Don’t eat her up while I’m gone,” she grins at Shreya, who blushed at the insinuation, but kept her cool this time. 

She fires back with a grin of her own.

“I make no promises.”

––

[missmonkeymode]

My story with google + since its ending soon

So, first things first. How did I get on google plus in the first place? Honestly I'm not fully sure, I think it was a mix of youtube being glued onto google plus, my brother using it, and maybe being lonely I don't fully know. I remember the first thing I did, it was basically add a bunch of pokemon stuff to my feed and follow my brother. Nothing much really happened then, but the more important part is what happened a little bit later, like a couple of months after I made the account. I found a group of people who roleplayed warrior cats. I know, warrior cats. I was intrigued by the thought of roleplaying, since it was like a joint story (in my eyes at least). I immediately joined and made my first oc ever. Her name was Ivy, she's a young cat who hated everything and everyone and was weirdly strong. I made her design in a dolldevine thing. Funny thing though, I didn't even read one book about warrior cats before I joined the group.

That was technically the first time I had internet friends. I remember thinking that everyone was like, cool older teenagers but I found out recently that the closest friend I had was literally 2 years older than me  so who would've thought. Eventually, the community got more and more inactive, and we just stopped. We stopped roleplaying with each other, and I think I was the only one who stuck with google plus from that group weirdly. This lasted until like, mid 2015 I wanna say? I dont't fully remember, but it doesn't fully matter, just by 2015 we split up.

So mid 2015 to early 2016 I literally remember nothing from them except liking minecraft youtubers (VAGUELY THO). All I do remember is getting kicked from this one group for breaking the rules once, but screw them right? I was messing around on youtube, and I found Jacksepticeyes playthrough of undertale in February of 2016. I fell in love with undertale. To be honest, I think that was one of the most intense hyper fixation I've ever had oopsie. I started following anything related to Undertale, including rp blogs since I knew what they were. Then I found someone who roleplayed Ink Sans.

Now about 7th grade me: I wasn't at the best place if I'm honest. I didn't have any friends, mostly what I did was read since I didn't have a phone at the time, I was extremely antisocial, and all I remember is like, the only time I had fun at school was watching the theatre kids dick around in theatre class even though I was too timid to actually say hi.

7th grade me was a different person than now me, even though I still have some traits from older me. But hey we ain't here to hear kit talk about how she thinks her life changed and junk we here about g+ baybee

So when I found this Ink Sans roleplayer, I checked out their blog since I was really into undertale aus and Ink Sans was new to me. I immediately followed after I saw their content. I was in awe, this person was a great rper, was everything 7th grade me wished to be (funny, confident, friendly, all that good jazz), and they liked undertale. I started commenting on their post, and we became friends. I remember becoming friends with them, and befriending their friends. I still know who they are to this day, and I still follow them even if we're not really friends anymore. Eventually the Ink Sans rper made a group where their friends hung out, and you can imagine how shocked and excited I was. Who'd like plain old Kit, all she does is read. But nevertheless, I dedicated the good chunk of 2016 in that group.

Overtime, I learned everyones name and stopped referring to them as their character. Ink Sans's mun's name was Uki, a Gaster Sans became Izzy, a Flowey became a Cy, etc etc. Everyone was older than me, I was the youngest in the group. I remember good things about that place, but one thing I don't remember is how horny e veryone was besides me. Lowkey I think because of skeleporn that they posted that I use to get fluseterd when thinking of sans f. So people were chilling on the server, then Uki got into homestuck. SHe got the others into homestuck, and I believe I was the last one to get into it (mostly because of my brother lol). So we all were posting about homestuck, and as a joke, Uki invited as many Eridan rpers to the server (since she had a crush on eridan lol) and eventually a dude named Myth joined. I'm a mutual to him on tumblr now so thats poppin. Myth is a good friend but he wasn't the quietest person. Eventually because of how rowdy it got, Uki's mom found out about the server and banned her from social media.

Everyone was devastated after that, especially her boyfriend Cy, and that launched the group into a weird limbo where we'd talk to each other and still be friends outside of the group, but not actually be active in the group. Officially it died in summer of 2016, but if I had to say when it died, I would say late winter after Uki left it died. 2016 came and went, and now its 2017 with a good chunk of friends still being into homestuck, so we decided to start roleplaying together as homestuck ocs. That's when things get weird and take a turn towards the sour.

So Izzy, the person who was gaster, started dating this papyrus roleplayer, who we called pap. Myth Introduced us to some more people and then yeah. OH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION LOGAN AND LGBT! So this group was the first time I figured out that the lgbt community existed, and Logan was a Pansexual gal who had a lot of drama irl but overall was pretty chill. BACK TO THE STORY!

So everyone had an oc, and everyone was at various places in their roleplaying life. Some people they were great at it, some people didn't start rping until the group started, some people were rusty at it but has some expirence (that twas me).  Because of this group I opened up MSPaint and actually figured out how it worked and start using it. It was fun but some people were..... unsavory to be kind. What I'm going to say in the spoilers contains tw of being sexually gross and suicide.

Around spring Izzy and Pap's relationship started getting shakey, and Izzy wanted to break up with Pap. At the time I had no idea what happened, but apparently Pap threatened Izzy with suicide if she did break up with him.  Izzy told Logan about it, and Logan told everyone to unfollow him. I didn't since I didn't know what was happening, but Pap was shunned from the group and I have no idea what they're doing today. It was a good thing to, his character were gross. Again, I didn't realize it at the time but like, his homestuck characters were fucking WILD. If I remember correctly (and i do) one of his characters tried to hump other characters and yeah that was bad. I made my character punch him and was bout to rip off his troll dick so yeah I did register that that was bad, but I didn't realize the gravity of it. Also another one of his characters kidnapped another character and had them as a sex slave maybe? yeah so good riddance to him.

Tl;DR Pap was gross and bad, so he's gone.

So like, late 2017, the rp group went inactive and some people I still know and talk to. A guy called Muff that joined later is still a good friend of mine. But that split up, and each person just stopped using google+ all together. All that really stayed was Myth, Izzy, and Muff. Logan had something happened with an ex and now deleted her account. I don't know what happened to her, all that she's safe. Cy just slowly moved to a new site, and we didn't stay in contact. 2018 rolled in, and I decided to be more out there and like, try to actually do things irl so that's where I changed from middle school Kit to Kit right now. I still used google+, I found some more friends whom are way better than some of the people who I interreacted with in 2017. Nothing eventful happened that year, but it was an amazing year nevertheless. Now early summer 2018 happened and i found jojo's bizarre adventure, and to my surprise some of my newer friends liked jojo! So we bonded over that, somehow passed them while reading/watching it, and life is going good. Then the announcement thhat google+ is ending happened.

Everyone, and when I say everyone I mean everyone, freaked out. A little bit about google+ culture is that you can literally become friends with everyone no matter follower count or post, it was a great place to make friends. Everyone was in a tizy about how they were going to keep their friends since nobody wanted to lose them. Another thing about google+ culture is how terrible the site is. To anyone here who's familiar with tumblr, imagine the tumblr staff but they dont fix bugs and don't care much about the site, and that's honestly the google+ staff. So everyone jokes about how the site is bad, there was a meme that was created to poke fun at the bugs (it was gold stars), and everyone said "when will this god forsaken site ended". Literally at first nobody knew if the announcement was real or not thats how much people joked about the end of google plus.

According to an article, the original end date was going to be in August. This was announced early this year, so people had time to plug other social media and things like that. But, that wasn't the fate of google+. Somehow someone leaked information about some users, so the google+ team decided to end it earlier. Tomorrow google plus won't be google plus, it'll be google business. Luckily I got peoples twitter and tumblr and all that jazz but.... damn. Who would've thought that google plus would end. None of us certainly did.

[a-nonbinary-mess]

I want you to do all the botanical asks because im a plant gay and i love you and i love plants

im crying op please tell me who you are please i love you too idk who you are but im love u too (also this is 31 questions anon omggg)

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

1. art (anything aesthetically pleasing)

2. food–mainly desserts

3. stress (that i put on myself)

4. lavender bc i really love lavenders

5. uhh dogs? i really love dogs

bleeding heart: what makes your heart go mushy?

-thoughts of how much I adore my friends tbh

-any cliche romcom trope in a fanfic or seeing ppl suddenly realize how much they love another person, whether platonically or romantically

-seeing kind people in the world and amazing animals, mainly dogs and cats

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

-uhh idk i like disney channel original songs a lot tho and ive been listening to a lot of potential song by aly and aj lol

-love on the brain by rihanna, uhh anything that sounds cheesy and cute and romantic like la vie en rose by edith piaf (the cover by laura and anton is super good)

evening primrose: what is your sleeping playlist (five songs): 

-anything by lofi hip hop beats w/ anime girls studying hard

-any studio ghibli song tbh

-any classical music song idk i dont listen to a lot of music before i sleep

-tango music ??? 

-a whole musical (hamilton, chicago, etc)

-songs that dont require me to sing bc i will sing to legit any song at 3 am instead of sleeping

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog that’s not following you? 

-hmm idk? i mainly follow a lot of art blogs, so i would say any of them? maybe hinamie? or insomniac-arrest is a super cool person, thatsthat24 bc thomas sanders is an amazing human being and i would love to be friends with him

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

-lavenders or sunflowers? where i live is kind of really difficult to plant anything tbh (unpredictable weather, things die in the winter, etc) and also idk how to take care of plants r i p 

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

-rainy evening for sure. i love to leave the window opening, listen to soothing music, drink tea surrounded by candles, and read something ive been putting off while my dog is curled up next to me

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

-i like the whole rainbow of colors but i prefer the darkest black and darker red for clothing and a light purple in general

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

-happiness. jk but i really do wish that i wasn’t mentally ill though :// also a cat. bc im allergic : (

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

-idk i dont sleep well or deep enough anymore to even dream but i remember having a dream 2 years ago that i was dating oikawa from haikyuu and he was so disconcerting in my dream that i remember it to this day bc essentially he wasnt a real person like i could recognize him bc he was a damn hologram like miku and we had sex the end it was wild

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

-favorite cotton candy flavor (???): there are multiple flavors???? i just like the original pink i guess idk anything about cotton candy 

-ice cream: cookies n cream, cookie dough, vanilla, mint depending on where im getting it, and strawberry : )

-juice: does fruit punch count 

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

-i love singing and i can legit never stop

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

-i love love love red eyeshadow. the brighter the red, the better. i also love red eyeliner and just anything red in general, but i usually mainly use red eyeshadow bc i love the look; anything red = good

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

-i love bees !!! butterflies are cool too but bees are cute fluffy babies that essentially control whether we live or die

-uhh probably dog person but only bc i have one :0 i love cats too but im less sneezy and generally stressed when im with dogs lol

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

-i really do like sweets but i used to eat so much as a kid that im kind of sick of them now but i still like to eat the occasional cookie or cake or something

-i really like donuts !!! also any asian dessert (eastern, southern, western, EVERYWHERE) is amazing to me and i love eating them

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

-merperson !!! i love the ocean and maybe we can finally figure out whats at the bottom of it ; ) sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

-babe mainly, hon

-hey, you fucker

-u dumb egg

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

-i can barely swim now uggghhh but i swam for five years and i knew all the strokes and was super good at freestyle (haru who) !! now i can barely do the freestyle and that’s it lolwindflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like them

-thebootydiaries: she’s funny !! anyone who i find funny i automatically like

-thatsthat24: thomas sanders is amazing. i love him and his friends so much and i think about being his friend a lot to the point where ill have dreams about suddenly being good friends with his whole posse aldjfal;fjl

-tatir0ckz: we used to talk a lot like back when we were both into hetalia but we never talk anymore ? which is fine ! but i remember a lot of our old convos and we skyped like once and idk 2012 was a simpler time

-adorable-as-fuck: i know her irl !! we went to the arcade like once and it was a ton of fun so we exchanged tumblrs and thats it and on the rare occasion that we’re both free, we might go to the arcade again !! idk its cool she’s super cool

-mhaikkun: her art style is so good and she doesnt upload as much on tumblr anymore but shes so cute and her clothing style and aesthetics is sooo good !! she’s a p cool person and her stories on twitter are always super wholesome aah

-this is more than five but ngl aphtextsfromnordics, incorrectknb and any other incorrect quotes blogs or text message blogs changed me as a person aldfj

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

-baker for sure ! baking just calms me down i think

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

-if i do have children, i want to tell them that i will never judge them for who they want to be. i hope they will be as open as possible and that i would never want to make them uncomfortable. i would encourage talking about problems and just communicating needs in general. idk, basically everything my biological parents didnt do

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

-tbh my parents are awful, awful parents (and one of them is just a purely disgustingly, horrid person) and i would never wish for them to tell me anything bc on the off chance that they did try to parent, it was to tell me how much of a burden i was, or something racist/homophobic, etc. 

-if they were better people, i wish they would have told me it was okay to be struggling and its okay to be lost rn. i wish they would have encouraged open communication and kindness but well, i learned that all myself : )

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

-nope! i sometimes really wish i did, but relationships honestly stress me out and idk how to talk to irl people : ( i love platonic relationships a little more honestly, makes me feel more comfortable

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

-sunset for sure lol i think sunsets are so pretty bc of all the colors that are involved and during that time period is when im doing something i like and im typically at home : ))

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

-i wake up early now bc of school but i usually sleep late and wake up late haha

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

-roasted green tea and lavender! anything flowery is nice too : )

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

-i only have one dog (a pomeranian) and her name is marzia! which is short for marzipan bc my dad didnt want to remember such a long name lol

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

-ye! most of the time theyre just silly names like spiky (for when we had a cactus a long time ago) or red/pink (the colors of the roses), etc. idk about now bc i dont have any plants currently

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

-hmm depends on the friend tbh

-but most of the time id rather sleep and be cozy !!!

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

-dipping !! i like ketchup or ketchup and mayo !! cheese fries are sooo good too

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

-i can bullshit a writing piece really bad and still get a good grade on it (seeing as most of the time i procrastinate until the night before and write the whole damn thing)

thanks for all of these questions anon !! if u can and ur comfortable, pls get off of anon sometime so we can talk !! im on tumblr a lot more now bc im procrastinating lol (and if my responses are late its bc im on mobile with no notifs on lol)

[8147]

reading hamlet for the first time (act 5: the finale)

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none of you told me it was going to be this painful . none of you.

a5s1

“Ophelia’s dead.” “Enter CLOWNS!”

Like im sure this has a different meaning in EMA but im gonna make fun of it because it’s fucking hilarious. (future (present? (now past once more (?))) antares coming back to say i did look at nfs and yeah theyre gravediggers)

“First Clown: What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter? Second Clown: The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.” damn not even just this one quote but these are some depressing clowns

hamlet and horatio!

okay there’s something about all of hamlet’s skull talk that makes me uneasy. like, not even the topic, just something in the words and how earnestly and (pardon my pun) gravely hamlet’s speaking about this. and it’s almost a mournful tune, too. it’s a huge difference from his “we’ll all be eaten by the same worms” speech to the point that it’s almost haunting.

“HAMLET: I will speak to this fellow.” C O N F R O N T

“HAMLET: I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.” (incomprehensible scribbling)

HAMLET, NOT IN ENGLAND: oh yeah lol he was sent to england huh u know why lmao

wait. did the. did the pirate situation get resolved. before act V.

I mean i think hamlet mentioned something about three years but the pirates are so fucking glossed over like what the fuck

“First Clown: 'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he.” HOLY SHIT ROAST THEM JFC

“HAMLET: Let me see. (Takes the skull)” THIS IS THE SKULL SCENE! I fucking KNEW it was bullshit that holding the skull was in the to be/not to be speech. I saw it being presented as such like once or twice while reading and I KNEW IT

hm okay so hamlet picks up this guys skull, of someone he used to know, and sure maybe i could ignore the “those lips i have kissed” but then he goes on to mention alexander the great and i mean come on

but jesus like i feel like im not doing justice to the stuff hamlet’s saying. just, the gravity of it all. Its kinda hitting home a bit hard bc like ive had a crippling fear of what happens after death and being forgotten etc since i was like in fourth grade and this is @ing that phobia

like, with that julius ceasar thing. “O that that earth which kept the world in awe / should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw,” it’s so strange. like, every fucking human who has lived, whether they be emperors, murderers, inventors, peasants, or philanthropists- as long as they weren’t blind, they’ve all looked at the same sky. like. It doesnt matter what the fuck you did or didn’t. It’s wild.

“First Priest: No more be done: We should profane the service of the dead To sing a requiem and such rest to her As to peace-parted souls.” hey i get that there are cultural taboos around suicide but like this guy’s a dick it isnt even clear if it was suicide, like, she was so fucking crazy she might not have even known she was, y’know, in a lake or w/e

laertes, dude, my guy. maybe jumping into a grave is cosmic foreshadowing for something you don’t want to happen to you. js.

“HAMLET: [Advancing] What is he whose grief Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I, Hamlet the Dane. (Leaps into the grave)” hamlet is NOT one to be out-extra’d (posting-antares here to say, wait, ‘whose phrase of sorrow conjures the stars? is this my aesthetic-speeches-summon-ghosts theory? probably not, but i havent mentioned it for a while)

“LAERTES: The devil take thy soul! (Grappling with him)” IN A FUCKING GRAVE. THEY ARE FIGHTING. IN A GRAVE.

all because hamlet doesn’t want to be out-extra’d. my god.

“QUEEN GERTRUDE: This is mere madness: And thus awhile the fit will work on him; Anon, as patient as the female dove, When that her golden couplets are disclosed, His silence will sit drooping.” Ah yes gertie just talk about the distraught and angry madman as if he isn’t there. that’ll diffuse the situation.

You know what? We still haven’t discussed the pirates.

a5s2

“HAMLET: So much for this, sir: now shall you see the other; You do remember all the circumstance?” If this isn’t gonna be about the pirates im gonna. scream.

“HAMLET: My fears forgetting manners, to unseal Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio,-- O royal knavery!--an exact command, Larded with many several sorts of reasons Importing Denmark's health and England's too, With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life, That, on the supervise, no leisure bated, No, not to stay the grinding of the axe, My head should be struck off.” god, though. imagine that. being exiled to another country by the person who killed your father, only to find out that they were going to have you killed, anyways. that’s fucking terrifying. jesus christ.

Damn this idea that pretty handwriting is ~beneath~ nobles confuses me so fucking much. I got called haughty once just because my main handwriting is cursive. I mean, they were right, but their evidence was circumstantial at best.

“HAMLET: That, on the view and knowing of these contents, Without debatement further, more or less, He should the bearers put to sudden death, Not shriving-time allow'd.” Hamlet’s Revenge. 

but also, what the fuck, dude. two wrongs dont make a right.

damn i kinda lost myself while reading but it really doesn’t sound like hamlet’s insane anymore. Like he’s… tempered himself. he doesn’t feel insane, just solemn.

“OSRIC: Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark. HAMLET: I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?” goddamn ROAST HIM HAMLET (also what a fucking mood)

Osric put on your fucking ha--

The wind is

The wind is northerly

“HAMLET: No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly.” I remember someone saying that this is important

Okay here: “HAMLET: I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.”

oh no

Osric just wear ur fucking hat u doof

“OSRIC: Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,--as 'twere,--I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter,-- HAMLET: I beseech you, remember-- (HAMLET moves him to put on his hat)” excuse me a WAGER

but alas all hamlet cares about is osric’s fucking hat

“HAMLET: What's his weapon? OSRIC: Rapier and dagger. HAMLET: That's two of his weapons: but, well.” hamlet u sarcastic little shit i love you

I mean so is horatio. I love him too.

This stuff with the competition is. not gonna end well. not at well.

“HAMLET: I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practise: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter.”

hamlet no. listen to your heart or whatever. jesus christ don’t do it.

“HORATIO: Nay, good my lord,--” HAMLET LISTEN TO HORATIO

Ohhh hamlet

okay reading what laertes said, you know what? i’m giving laertes one last chance. please do not prove me a fool, laertes. 

everything is giving me mad anxiety. e v e r y t h i n g.

claud’s speech is insanely sketchy

“KING CLAUDIUS: [Aside] It is the poison'd cup: it is too late.” One, so that’s why it was sketchy. Two, the POISONED CUP?

IT’S TOO LATE?

Gertie’s. Dead.

Shit, shit, shit

“LAERTES: [Aside] And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.” YES! SO PLEASE! STOP FIGHTING!

“LAERTES wounds HAMLET; then in scuffling, they change rapiers, and HAMLET wounds LAERTES.” Oh no oh no oh jeez eheu they’re hurting each other, shit, fuck,

“LAERTES: ...woodcock…”

“KING CLAUDIUS: She swounds to see them bleed. QUEEN GERTRUDE: No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my dear Hamlet,-- The drink, the drink! I am poison'd. (Dies)” one, i love how claud is desperatley trying to stick to the plan, its almost adorable in a childish sort of way. two, oh god. ohhh god. gertie. 

Oh no. 

this is the bloodbath. THIS IS THE BLOODBATH.

BODY COUNT: 1

“HAMLET: The point!--envenom'd too! Then, venom, to thy work. (Stabs KING CLAUDIUS)” ...

BODY COUNT: 2

wait and hamlet’s on death row, as with laertes. Oh no.

“LAERTES: He is justly served; It is a poison temper'd by himself. Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: Mine and my father's death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me. (Dies)’ oh my god already??? I haven’t even really accepted king claud’s death?? jesus christ??

My friend just sorta nudged me and asked if i was alright and i. I’m not. i’m in shock. goddamn. what?

BODY COUNT: 3

goodness thats three in like less than thirty seconds JESUS CHRIST

“HAMLET: Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.I am dead, Horatio.” that’s chilling. just, the poignancy. that’s so fucking spectral. i’m not okay.

“HORATIO: Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane: Here's yet some liquor left.” No no no on no nononon NO NO oh my god are you going to-

“HAMLET: As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. … If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story.” hey i’m crying in study hall. i’m actually crying. what the fuck. I don’t cry unless i’m thinking about that one pair of 18th century shoes with the really good photo quality (transcribing-antares here. I fucking love those shoes. I’m looking at them right now and they’re so fucking beautiful. they look how velvet feels, which is odd, bc they're apparently silk. I don’t care they’re just so fucking lovely)

F O R T I N B R A S?

“HAMLET: O, I die, Horatio; The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit.” I’ve identified my emotion. Dread. pure, unadulterated Dread.

for all of you that’ve listened to the penumbra podcast: do you remember the concierge, right before final resting place, saying “you do realize you can just like, leave, and everything will be hunky dory and you won’t have to deal with the emotional consequences this episode will bring you” because i’m seriously considering doing that right now.

“HAMLET: The rest is silence. (Dies)” shit. (posting-antares here to say that i forgot to do the body count but honestly im crying while formating because of this goddamn fucking 400 year old play)

“HORATIO: Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince…” oh god. horatio.

“Good night sweet prince…”

(yet again tis transcribing-antares here to say that im fucking sobbing right now, the shoes are no match for this, and ‘goodnight sweet prince’ is actually never going to leave my head.) (editing-antares here to say im fucking crying again god fucking damn it) (posting-antares back again saying that this fucking line. this line. my god.)

“HORATIO: What is it ye would see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.” oh, horatio. god. that isn’t something said without tears staining your skin and a bitter tone hard-won, not that its possession is a victory.

oh my god. this can’t. no. this can’t end like this. What. no. people must have rioted. No. no!!

i typically hate it but i would GLADLY accept a deus ex machina right about now!!

okay my friend just took my phone away from me and shut it off because i kept on trying to scroll past the end

jesus christ

okay so i’m not going to be okay for like, several eternities, so im going to play the sims until i. until i die, probably. my god.

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